I’m not sure I will ever forget this clip from Grey’s Anatomy. Something in Meredith’s plea to McDreamy screamed of the desperate desire to be desired, to be loved, to be chosen. And the first time I saw it, I cried. I know you are probably thinking. “How could you cry about a stupid, cheesy, drama-filled TV show?” But the thing is, I understood the cry of Meredith’s heart. I wanted to be chosen. I wanted to be loved.
As a young girl, I always struggled to find a place where I felt like I fit. I was always deeply self-conscious, shy, and insecure. I was never popular. I wasn’t the prettiest or the most talented. I couldn’t sing. I definitely couldn’t dance. I wasn’t good at sports. I wasn’t a cheerleader. I wasn’t an exceptional student. I wasn’t the funny one that made everyone laugh. I was perfectly – average.
I always wanted to be nominated for school pageants, student government or senior superlatives. But I never was that girl. I wanted to be one of the first ones picked for a team; instead, I was usually one of the last.
I wanted boys to ask me out, but they never really did. I couldn’t even get a date to the senior prom. Finally, after the insistence of my friends, I asked a mutual friend to take me. His only requirement for going as my date was that I pay for everything. Sigh. Not quite what a girl dreams of, huh?!
The point of all of this is this: I always wanted to be liked, accepted, or desired. I wanted to be cherished. I wanted to feel like I mattered, like I had worth, value. I wanted to be chosen. But I never was. And honestly, in high school a lot of that was my own fault. I chose to live my life in a way that was not attractive to others.
But God saw what others didn’t. He saw what I could be in Him.
He saw past the awkward and insecure girl who was desperate to feel like she mattered.
He saw past the rough exterior.
He saw past the poor choices.
He saw me as His creation. And He chose me.
He chose me to be His daughter. He loved me and chose to sacrifice His only Son so that I may be restored to relationship with Him. He picked me. He chose me. He loved me.
It was in Him, I found what I had been looking for all along. In Him, I found worth, purpose, and love.
So from a girl who was once desperate to know that she mattered (and at times still is), let me tell you…You do matter. You do have worth. You are valued. You are loved, cherished, and desired. But, you won’t find those things in the world. Only Him.
“How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!” 1 John 3:1 NIV
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Chrystie Cole
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I love you even more now
Very well written – I can so relate to every bit of this. I’m so glad God looked past my extremely poor choices and loved me!
Love you, Lisa! Can’t wait to see you again at She Speaks this year! You were such a blessing last year!
Love this, love you! I too, can relate…
Now we have a “date” much more important than the Senior Prom. We have a date for all eternity and to top if off – Jesus paid for it ALL!!!!!
You make me smile even when I’m crying!
Amen, Cindy! No better date exists! Love you!
This is such a such a great post that every girl should read!!! Much love!!!
Thanks, Mo! How is Shine coming along?
Amen. I am a Jesus girl who knows she is loved and cherished in spite of the storms of life! I have learned that when I am weak, then I am strong in Him.
Let’s celebrate who we are and whose we are!
Your friend and sister,
Gladwell
Another fantastic post. You have such a gift for this.
This isn’t something that’s just limited to women. I have felt and still to a degree have a problem with wanting to be loved. Honestly, a lot of my life I’ve felt that way and not had a true feeling of love that carried over after I became a Christian. I get into times where God’s on “radio silence” and I begin to have all those old feelings from dark, cold nights alone flood back.
When you’re introverted in nature…that feeling just feeds on itself. You draw in, you withdraw and in turn people find you less appealing to be around. So you crave love you don’t find. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.
I know this will likely be a “girly girl” comment thread to which I’m intruding but I felt like throwing in that women aren’t the only ones who struggle with feeling unloved.
Beautiful connection! I too felt completely moved and definitely saw myself in Meredith when I watched her say those words…and am SO thankful that God does choose me and is relentless in showing me the ways that I am chosen and delighted in by Him.
One of the devils lies to us – “You don’t matter.” Jesus died to show that we do. Good post.
Oh how I can relate!!! I babysat the night of my Senior prom and I never liked gym because I believed I just wasn’t athletic!! Fortunately, at 40 years of age, I had a HUGE spiritual experience that changed my life and view of life forever. That was when I realized just how loved I was. That was when I realized it was not about me but about Jesus. Now that is not to say I still don’t wonder, notice wonder but not worry, about what other people may think, but I don’t dwell on it. I am a product of the One above and I know I am not perfect, way beyond perfect!!! But He is the one I live for, love for and know that no matter what, He chose me before I was even born and I will never be alone again.
Beautiful post! I have added you to my feed subscriptions so I can be alerted when you post something new. “)
i loved that scene, too. it seemed to sum up the unspoken cry of my heart for so long in my marriage. which, when i think about it like that, seems pathetic.
i’m grateful He loved me first.
i just wish i really KNEW it.