Image Courtesy of Microsoft Clip Art
Over the last couple of weeks, I have been very quiet on the blog. Part of my absence can be attributed to the busyness of our trip to the Grand Canyon, and the Thanksgiving and Christmas season.
The fact is, my life has needed a serious overhaul.
For the past year, I have been consumed. Consumed with things of self. Consumed with my plans. My ideas. My dreams. And unfortunately my husband, family, and friends suffered the consequences of that. And even more than that, my relationship with God suffered. It is true that a person wrapped up in herself makes a small package.
There isn’t necessarily anything wrong with the plans, dreams, and desires I had/have. As a matter of fact, I think they are good in and of themselves. And honestly, I don’t think God is asking me to change direction, just adjust.
I allowed my desires/plans to become ultimate things. I put my hope in them and rested my identity and emotional well being in them. Ironically, the desire to serve God overshadowed my desire for God Himself. And I wish I could say this is my first time around this block, but sadly its not. Some lessons I have to learn over and over again.
I failed to be a good wife, worrying more about “my ministry”. I failed to be a good friend because my mind was too occupied with other things. I missed opportunities to minister because my head was so full of my own preconceived ideas of ministry. I failed to be a good steward of the time God gave me.
I believe the past couple of months, God has been pressing down on me, calling me back to Him, reminding me of my priorities: God, husband, family, then ministry. I have had it so backwards. It is not for me to determine how He uses me, only that I make myself available to be used. It is not up to me to determine how I serve, only that I am a willing servant open to His leading. My job is not to produce the fruit. My job is to remain connected to the Vine.
Over the next several weeks, I plan to spend some time examining the past year. My actions. My thought life. My heart. Beginning January 1, I will begin a 40-day journey via the book, A Call To Die by David Nasser.It’s an intensive journey that includes Scripture memorization, fasting, and journaling.
My desire is the renewal of my heart, mind, and soul and the restoration of priorities and of relationships with God, friends and family. I am seeking balance. I am seeking to plug into the Source of all power, hope, and joy. I am seeking His direction. His will. His plans, not mine.
I have no idea where this will lead me. I am not sure if I will fast from writing, the internet, food, coffee? I don’t know if I will journal/blog my way through the journey. I don’t know what I will discover along the way. But what I do know is this, if my God is at the helm it will involve freedom, restoration, renewal, redemption, grace, joy, conviction, and transformation.
Lord, I offer myself to you to do with me as you will. I pray that you will use the coming days, weeks, months to transform me through the renewing of my mind. Father, make my desires match your desires. Order my days, direct my steps, light my path. I love you.
19 Comments
Join the conversation and post a comment.
Leave a Comment
Chrystie Cole
Follow Me On The Web!
Wow…such wonderful humility. I look forward to seeing what God does through you.
Jason, I am looking forward to what He does in me. He’s been knocking on my heart for a couple months now…
Sounds like you’re on your way to doing some major refocusing in your life. That’s great! Sometimes, silence from blogging, etc can be very engaging. I hope 2010 is very fruitful for you.
Yep, Matt! Major refocusing. I am really excited about it too! I hope 2010 is awesome for you as well!
Chrystie, you continue to amaze me with your love for God!!! You have become such an inspiration to me, and I can see such a transformation just by looking into your eyes, and your daily commitment!!! I am excited for you for the new year, and am so very proud of the young woman you have become. I love you, Mom
You almost made me cry, mom! Thank you! Love you!
Oh that we all embark on such a journey. Doing some refoucusing myself.
In 2010 I hope my life becomes a story worth reading. I desire to be more intentional about being who God created me to be instead of thinking it’s just going to happen to me.
I’m also paying closer attention to the passions He’s placed in my heart and seeking what He leads me to do with those.
This should be a very interesting year if nothing else, huh?
@Cindy, I know what you mean. If we allow God to author our stories, they will be worth reading! Looking forward to 2010 with you!
Sadly, I know exactly how what you mean. I, too, have allowed my “desire to serve God overshadow my desire for God Himself”. He’s recently allowed me to face that head on and has allowed me to begin a journey of getting to know him intimately all over again. Yes – been there before too. Praying that I truly get it this time and let Him lead me rather than me trying it the other way around. Great writing!!!
@Leah, with my bent toward self-sufficiency and independence, we may be here again someday. Thankfully, He is patient and His mercies are new every morning!
Your words “the desire to serve God overshadowed my desire for God Himself” I have to admit has hit home at times with me as well. Thanks for being so open and sharing this with us.
I love the 40-Day journey you will be embarking on, looking forward to hearing how it impacts your life.
Blessings
@Sandy, I am discovering that many have felt this way before. Amazing how good desires can be perverted by our human nature, isn’t it?
I think this cuts to the heart of us all. So very true. Thank you for being so open and real . . . and for allowing us to journey with you.
@Shelley, thanks for joining me on the journey and allowing me to share my heart!
New Year’s resolutions usually start with us saying “I will do this” or “I will do that” without accounting for the will of God. And then we wonder why they fail…
Thank you for being so open and real in your writing Chrystie. Your call to refocus here is something we all need to give serious thought to. I also just ordered the David Nasser book and will be joining you on this journey as well. Looking forward to 2010 with you…
Joe, that’s awesome! I have had two others join on the journey as well! It will be awesome to go through this as a community and see how God speaks to all of us through it!
I’m so with you in this! Some of what you wrote is as if you’ve been reading my mind.
Enjoy the silence, solitude and infusion of your fast. I’ll miss “seeing” you on Twitter/FB, but will anticipate a grand reunion in 40 days.
@Michele The silence has been good so far! It’s only day two and I find myself grappling with some hard truths. I will keep in touch with you on your blog
Chrystie,
I love how you wrote, “My job is not to produce the fruit. My job is to remain connected to the Vine.” I cannot tell you how many times I have read that passage in scripture, but it really clicked when I just read your words. So often, I get it backwards–trying so hard to produce fruit, when really I should just abide in Him.
I’ll be praying that God does amazing things during your time of fasting.