Rabbit Trails: Reflections on 2009 – Part 2

Image courtesy of caffe at sxc.hu

I think I might be the queen of scampering down rabbit trails. Seizing hold of ideas, passions, and projects, I run off half-cocked and often to the expense of everything else in my life. When I invariably run into a brick wall, I can look back and see how tunnel-visioned I had been. Maybe this is part of my addictive tendencies, maybe not. Whatever it is, at times my passions cross the line into obsessions.

Yesterday, I shared some of my reflections on 2009 thus far. Experience has proven to me time and again that clarity often comes with hindsight, but not often in the moment. I can clearly look back on 2009 and see that I, at some point in time, veered off the path and journeyed down a rabbit trail.

Don’t get me wrong, 2009 wasn’t horrible. I was blessed to be able to walk alongside a group of high school girls at my church and do life with them. My husband, stepson, and I shared many memorable moments, and much joy and laughter. I had some amazing talks with family and friends. And God revealed Himself to me in some incredibly intimate moments.

But, as I look back over the year I can see big, gaping holes. Stress, exhaustion, and frustration were all too frequent companions. I said yes to many things I probably should have passed on. And those things I did manage to muster out a no to, I walked away from with a deep sense of guilt.

Thankfully, knowing I needed the truths within its message, my friend Holly, passed a CD of one of Beth Moore’s teachings onto me. It was a message that struck me to the core and I have been chewing on its truth for the last month.

Teaching from Philippians 3:10 in the Amplified Bible, Beth talked about our determined purpose.

In this passage, Paul says, “[For my determined purpose is] that I may know Him [that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly]…”

Beginning the talk, she shared advice given to her from one of her editors when she first began writing, “Always keep to your subject matter. In every paragraph, on every page, ask yourself if what you are writing is related to the primary message you wish to convey.”

Further expanding upon that, she stated that, “we are so busy living two miles wide and a half an inch deep that we have lost the power to be effective.” Driving her point home, she shared two quotes from Rick Warren’s book, The Purpose Driven Life. The first quote was, “There is nothing quite as potent as a focused life; one lived on purpose.” And the second one was, “You become effective, by being selective.”

I did not live my life on purpose because I lacked focus. I juggled too many balls, spread myself way too thin, and lost track of the most important thing, Him. Period. He cares more about the state of my heart, than what I do. My actions will follow my heart. And I lost sight of that somehow.

The rabbit trails I followed led me away from the heart of my King. I spent plenty of time with Him, an hour every morning is my daily routine. But, quantity does not always equal quality.

If my spiritual barometer is, “Did I grow closer to the heart of God? Did I progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His person more strongly and clearly?” Then my answer would have to be a resounding no.

As we enter 2010, my sincerest desire is that in every decision, every action, every project, I ask myself the question, “Is this consistent with my determined purpose to draw closer to my Savior?” I desire to offer Him a focused life, a life that He can use, not one that’s scurrying down some rabbit trail chasing her own desires.

What have you reflected on as 2009 draws to a close? What desires do you have for 2010?